11 articles Articles posted in Wise Words

Kids Are Gross

Now, i am not a parent, obviously and you must be thinking, “what does she know about parenting?”. I’ve learned everything there is to know!! ( by watching other parents.)

Like, i can tell, for example, when a kid is a spoiled brat. How? When parents are too afraid to say “no” to their “angels”. THIS IS THE FIRST AND ONLY WORD YOU NEED TO KNOW WHEN DEALING WITH A CHILD’S DEMAND, and if you were me, you could substantially add, “Fuck No!!” to it. No explanation needed!!

In fact, if you give your child an explanation as to why you said “no”, it makes you look like an asshole..! So a “NO” is good enough. Explaining budgeting constraints, limited income, financial obligations etc to a child is like…explaining a poetry to a cat. They couldn’t give any lesser shit.

 

Next, and most important, STOP.INFLATING.YOUR.CHILD’S.EGO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kids think they are awesome. ( I know i did, when i was a kid!). Soo…you don’t need to tell them,”good job”, when you don’t mean it. Some kids just shouldn’t be encouraged to keep trying at something they don’t like and aren’t good at!!! You’re wasting everybody’s time!

 

So i have a list of some things you as a parent, should tell your freaking annoying kids..: (The list isnt exhaustive…)

 

  1. Tell your kids, “Stop screaming! Do you see adults scream at the top of their lungs and throw food in restaurants??? It’s basic social etiquette, Pay attention to what others are doing and get some fucking manners!!”
  2. Tell you kids that they need to have something interesting to say!
  3. Don’t talk during movies.
  4. Dont talk when eating.
  5. Dont talk while music is playing.
  6. Dont talk.
  7. People dont have time to stand around prying a greeting out of your little monster. Tell your kids that when someone introduces themselves to you, that’s your cue to reply with your name. Or, at the minimum, acknowledge that there’s another human being talking to you. DONT JUST STARE AWKWARDLY LIKE AN ASSHOLE AND THEN BURY YOUR FACE IN YOUR MOTHER’S TITS!!!!!
  8. On that note, you might think it’s cute that you’re having a learning moment with your kid by letting him or her pick whatever they want at a restaurant, but when people are waiting behind you, TELL YOUR KID WHAT TO ORDER!! You’re paying for it, so you decide! If they don’t like it, toughshit! You want to teach your kid a life-lesson? Send them to bed hungry if they can’t make up their minds.
  9. Tell them to speak properly, and enunciate!!
  10. Tell them to stop running in restaurants, malls, stores, etc
  11. Tell them to stop lying. Kids lie more than anyone I know.
  12. Tell them to stop crying all the effin time!!! It’s so damn annoying.
  13. Tell them to stop singing.
  14. Tell them to quit showing off.
  15. All the cartoons and shows you like today are inferior versions of things that existed in the past.
  16. All the music you like is garbage.
  17. Ask them to pay rent.
  18. Ask them to move out.
  19. Ask them to get a life.
  20. Ask them to quit being stupid.
  21. Ask them to quit trying to manipulate others with their tears.

 

There are sooo many more. But this post has pissed me off more than it should. Let me go remind myself that i will be a damn good parent. Until then, adios!

 

If You Only Knew…

 

make sure your worst enemy is not living between your own two ears.